


Close To You

by deepestfathoms



Category: Six - Marlow/Moss
Genre: Child Neglect, Cuddling & Snuggling, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Maternal Instinct, Mom Friend Katherine Howard, One Shot, Touch-Starved, UK Tour Cast, tour!kat is NOT babey and you can fight me on that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:14:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25879507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deepestfathoms/pseuds/deepestfathoms
Summary: When a strange incident causes Joan to avoid Katherine like the plague, Katherine is determined to get to the bottom of what caused it.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	Close To You

**Author's Note:**

> For the record, this is the tour cast, so Howard is Jodie Steele's Howard and Joan is Arlene McNaught's Joan. And in my characterization, Howard is reincarnated into the body of an adult because of how old Jodie looks. So Howard is an adult in the Tour!verse, not a teenager, and she has Maternal Instincts

It was an accident. Joan swore to Howard up and down that she hadn’t meant it, but that didn’t erase Howard’s need to discuss the incident. Joan didn’t seem to see the point and avoided her ex-queen like the plague until she was finally cornered three days later in the break room. For once, her caffeine addiction was a blessing, at least for Howard.

“K-Katherine,” Joan breathed out shakily. Her hands have already started to quiver, even though Howard only just got inside. Though, her muscles, size, and the way she shut the door behind her may have been a little intimidating. 

“I just want to talk.” Howard said, harmlessly holding her hands out in front of her. It was like she was trying to tame a wild animal or something, and Joan may as well have been one with that threatened look on her face.

“I-if this is about what happened on Monday, th-then I’m really, really sorry, Katherine.” Joan said, like all the other times, always apologizing for the most minor of inconveniences. “I-I didn’t-- I don’t know what happened. I-I just-- I don’t know. S-something c-came over me a-and--”

Howard set a hand on her shoulder and Joan shut up instantly with a tiny squeak. Her eyes were absolutely massive and filled with so much fear.

“A-are you going to hit me?” Joan asked quietly.

The question came like a punch to the stomach. Howard actually recoiled away slightly, blinking in disbelief.

“What? No! Joan, no, I’m not going to hit you!” She said. “Why would you ever think that?”

Joan shrugged and looked away. Howard could practically see the painful anxiety clawing up and down her insides.

“Joan, honey, I’m not mad at you.” Howard told her.

“But you’re disappointed?” Joan guessed.

“No. I’m not.” Howard said. “Why would I be disappointed in you?”

“B-because I--” Joan shut her mouth and tried to look anywhere else but the queen in front of her. Cold sweat was now beaded on her forehead and she looked much paler than she usually did.

“Honey,” Howard sighed, and Joan actually flinched away from her as if she had actually spit acid on her face. “Joan, I need you to take a breath for me. I think you may be having an anxiety attack.”

“I’m sorry,” Joan whispered in a tight, strangled voice that just confirmed Howard’s suspicions. “I-I didn’t mean to, Katherine, I-I really didn’t--”

Howard slowly lowered Joan to the floor. It wasn’t the most ideal place to have an anxiety attack, but Howard would be a little less concerned if Joan weren’t on her feet in case she may faint. 

“Joan, you don’t need to apologize,” Howard said.

“B-but it was weird. And embarrassing. And pathetic and--” Joan coughed, and lightning bolts of worry zigzagged through Howard.

“Breathe, sweetheart,” Howard instructed, rubbing Joan’s back firmly. “Come on, Joan. It’s okay. Just breathe.”

Joan looked at her, then nodded, sucking in a shaky breath. After a moment, she began to fall into a rhythm of steady breathing, although her entire body continued to quake.

“Good girl,” Howard praised. She reached out and brushed some hair out of Joan’s face, and that touch alone was enough to make Joan lean into it hungrily. 

They seemed to notice this at the same time because Joan was jerking away so hard she nearly knocked herself over a second later.

“Oh god,” Joan muttered, eyes wide in horror. “I-I did it again. I’m so sorry, Katherine, I’m so, so sorry!”

Howard frowned. She remembered what happened three days ago, when Joan nuzzled her cheek against the hand she rested on her shoulder, and realized that Joan really was as touch starved as she had been speculating. The girl once again pressing into such a simple touch proved it all.

“Joan, what was your family like?” Howard asked.

Joan was taken aback slightly. “I-I--” She floundered for a moment. “They weren’t--there. They left. I don’t even remember their names.”

That explained a lot.

“I don't really have a family,” Joan mumbled. “I mean, I’ve got--” She paused, looked up as if in thought, then shook her head. “No, nevermind. Don’t have them.”

“What about the other Ladies?” Howard pressed, growing more and more concerned by the second.

Joan smiled at her sadly. “Nope.” She said. “Not even them. I live alone, so that probably explains it.”

Howard stared at her contemplatively. It then cleared with a smile as she grasped Joan’s shoulder and said breezily, “I’ll be your family, then.”

This time, it was Joan’s turn to stare, and she did so like a snowy owl that was just grabbed out of midair.

“What?” Joan’s voice came out in a husky whispered.

Howard continued smiling at her blithely, as though it was normal to offer your coworker and ex-lady in waiting a family. “Why not? I mean, already got five other queens and a bassist who bleaches her hair for fun, so why not add one more to the bunch?”

Joan shifted. The repressed excitement that had been glowing in her wide eyes dulled slightly at that. Howard saw her disbelief and carried on, “I like challenges. Especially those who’re kinda lacking in the love department.” She nudged Joan playfully and the girl just about burst into tears.

Wait, no-- She was just actually tearing up.

“Are you alright?” Howard asked softly, ducking her head to meet Joan’s gaze,

Joan, clearly unable to speak without her voice wavering, nodded stubbornly, but the damage had been done. Tears were flowing down her cheeks rapidly, no matter how hard she scrubbed at her eyes.

“Oh, honey,” Howard murmured. “Do you want a hug?”

Joan shook her head, but Howard could practically see her skin crawling with ache. The poor thing’s body craved affection. It was a primal instinct, one ingrained in human history. 

Joan folded her arms into herself, crushing the fabric of her jacket, and shook her head. Howard knew she wanted to, but she was scared of embarrassing herself again.

“No.” Joan said hoarsely.

Howard just waited patiently. 

“No.” Joan shook her head much more. The tears are coming down much faster, now. Her body screamed with intense sorrow and longing.

“Sweetheart.”

Joan succumbed. 

With a muffled sob, she slowly opened her arms and did desperate grabby hands (which, by the way, were the cutest things Howard has ever seen before) and Howard swooped in, enveloping her in her embrace. Joan dug her nails into the fabric of the queen’s shirt as though clinging for dear life. And she may as well been, Howard thought, because letting go seemed like a death sentence to Joan at this point.

Howard cooed to Joan softly. When she began to run her fingers through Joan’s white-blonde locks, the girl let out a sob and leaned into the hand. Worry set like a heavy stone inside Howard’s stomach. 

“You’re touch starved, aren’t you?” Howard said softly. She leaned Joan back slightly so she could look at her face and Joan instantly whimpered in distress at the loss of the embrace. She stroked her cheek with the back of her fingers to calm her and Joan pressed into that, too, eyelids fluttering shut. “Has no one really touched you?”

Joan opened her eyes to look at her and she shrugged before closing them again. “There was my brother,” She said. “But it’s been a really long time and he wasn’t the same as...as this…”

Howard wondered how this girl had gone on for so long without any sort of affection, verbal or physical. She looked down at Joan, nuzzling against her hand like a kitten seeking warmth (and practically purring like one, too), and felt a swell of fierce protectiveness well up inside of her.

“I care about you,” She said fondly.

Joan stiffened. Then, a moment later, she’s shoving Howard in the chest.

“Katherine, stop it.” She growled, though her voice was small and shaky.

Howard pulled her back into her arms, meeting little resistance. “I mean it, Joan.” She cupped the back of Joan’s head and tucked it underneath her chin. Joan doesn’t fight that, either, and Howard knew how badly she needed this touch.

“No, you don’t.” Joan said anyway. “You say you care and you’ll welcome me, only to leave again. Everyone always leaves. I’ve always been left behind. I’ve always been alone. Don’t - don’t say things you don’t mean."

“But I do mean it.” Howard sits up and grabs her shoulders. 

“B-but I’m clingy, Katherine,” Joan said miserably. “I’m never going to stop following you around now. I’m always going to be seeking your approval and love and affection. You’re going to get tired of me.”

“No I won’t.”

“Yes you will.” Joan sobbed. “I’ve seen it happen before, Katherine! First my brother, then my husband. I just wanted love. All the time. And not the kind her wanted. I just wanted to be held and needed and--” She whimpered weakly. “He would get mad at me because I would always be following him around, but that didn’t change anything. And then there was also the thing with Henry when I got so desperate and--”

“Wait-- The what with Henry?”

“I-it doesn’t matter,” Joan stammered, and Howard made a mental note to ask her about that later. “It’s gonna happen again, Katherine. I know it. I-I always lose people. I’m always alone.”

“Not anymore.” Howard said firmly. “Never again, Joan. I’ll hold you, alright?”

Joan looked up at her, sniffling. “Why?” She asked weakly. “Why are you doing this? I-I don’t-- I don’t understand.”

“Then let me make you understand,” Howard said. “Give me a chance.” She pulled Joan against her tightly, then pressed a kiss to the top of her head, which made Joan dissolve into sobs all over again. “I’ll show you, sweetheart. I won’t let you be alone again.”

Joan whimpered. The poor thing was so worked up that she couldn’t even speak anymore. She just buried her face in Howard’s chest and cried.

“Get it all out, sweetie,” Howard murmured to her soothingly. “You probably haven’t cried like this to anyone in a long time, huh? Oh, you sweet, sweet girl… I’m not going to let you go. It’s okay. I’m right here, baby.”

Joan would continue to cry for quite some time, not that Howard blamed her. She had so many emotions all pent up inside her frail little body; they must have been eating away at her. Her letting them all out like this was good.

“Thank you,” Joan gasped. “Thank you, Katherine, thank you, thank you…”

“It’s my pleasure, honey, really,” Howard smiled lovingly down at the girl. “I’m here now. I won’t let you go, I promise.”


End file.
